Laying in the snow the other day the world was silent for a change. It feels so loud these days, not only in real space but online. Constant noise seems to flow through the air waves. It's hard to find peace in all that's going on but I know one thing I will always have to quiet the world and that is painting.
The screams of injustice in my mind flow through my hand into color, into an image. It is a way of fighting the tides of anger, confusion and depression that haunt me with every click of the web browser, every step in an unknown place in this city that feels unsafe, it's an eternal guardian watching my back going: "I got you." This is one thing the world at large can never take away from me and that is something amazing to me.
Lately I've felt like doing Jackson Pollock style splatter paintings just to get all the demons from the world that have planted themselves in my ears and in my mind OUT. I used to do that with my friends when I had a larger studio. It's felt so fucking freeing, like nothing in the world could touch me. I guess it's comparable to people who like running - it's this endorphin high I can't explain. Ugh, it's just the best. The world falls away, the stress flows through my paint brush, hits the canvas and the reverberation and creation of an image is just a bloody beautiful feeling.
I offered this kind of outlet for my friend a few years back, she was helping me run a small gallery-space with my Mom and my friend was so stressed out. She was having a rough time with her partner and her kid, she didn't know what to do. I told her about just throwing paint at a rolled out canvas, she laughed but then took me up on the offer. Seeing her smile and being able to lose control and just be free still makes me happy today. I think it's something I should start doing here in Berlin. A new form of therapy-SPLATTER PAINTING! Think of all the messed up shit going on right now and take this bucket of paint and throw it at that wall!
Maybe it's worth writing a grant for funding a space where we could hold this kind of therapy. I think it's important we all have a way to deal with the stress of the world. This is something I'm thinking about doing, more and more I want to contribute to society in more active, enriching ways, maybe this a start. For now I will continue to paint, draw, create stories and this will be my way of not only dealing with stress but sharing my voice.
Love to you.
*All of the artwork presented here was made by Jessica F Holt using Kyle T Webster's amazing digital water color brush set.